I thought we’d try something different today, Leslie.
For the first time in 29 nuggets, I’m writing to you from the waiting room at the Buffalo Surgery Center.
The last time I was here, I was in the back counting down from 10 before an army of strangers snaked a camera inside me through an opening that had always been clearly marked “Exit Only.”
But never mind that I’m now living the polyp-free life of my dreams. Today is about Jillian.
She’s having her left knee replaced. And instead of brushing up on how to operate the gear designed to manage her pain, I’ve thrown all my energy behind drafting an amusing out-of-office message.
Here’s what I wrote. Then, I promise I’ll get to my point.
. . .
Hello! I’ll be out through April 1 helping my lady recuperate after her knee replacement surgery.
I can’t offer you any assistance before then. But in exchange for your patience, you’ll be delighted to know that you’re automatically entered in a raffle to win Jillian’s decommissioned knee.
You’re probably thinking … “That sounds awful. What would I possibly do with a knee that was in such deplorable condition that it had to be pried out of an otherwise healthy, 42-year-old woman?”
Well, I won’t just give you one use for it. I’ll give you 10 …
1. Level an uneven table.
2. Take it to the hardware store and ask if they have lime in a smaller bag so you can “finish things off.”
3. Carve a jackalope’s face into it and use it as a creepy door knocker.
4. Slip it into the palm of a snooty Maître d’ and watch a table suddenly open up.
5. Change your online dating handle to “PatellaFella” or “PatellaBella.”
6. Insist on using it as a Dungeons & Dragons figurine so you never get asked to play again.
7. Wait for Jillian to get the other one done and clap them together when singing “Private Eyes” at karaoke night.
8. Fashion it into a necklace, walk shirtless into the forest and wait for the crows to come.
9. Tape a quarter to it and plant it on a small child in the airport security line.
10. And of course … Make soup.
See? All you needed was a little imagination.
Talk soon.
Matt
. . .
I did this for two reasons.
First, because I’m a child. Second, and this is important …
Everything can be copy.
I’m not talking about all the places where people expect your copy. The ads, emails, sales pages, and everywhere else you talk about how innovative or disruptive you are. (I’m kidding, please don’t say those things.)
I mean those hushed, hidden patches of real estate where your reader doesn’t see it coming. Places like …
👉 Confirmation pages
👉 Thank you pages
👉 Auto-responder emails
👉 404 pages
👉 Contact pages
👉 Email footers
👉 And yes, even out-of-office messages.
Anywhere you can add a pop of brand-appropriate personality is fair game.
If you think otherwise, let me remind you that you’re an adult. And among the benefits of being a grown-up are A) unlimited cake and B) the freedom to remind your audience that you have a pulse.
To prove it, here’s my friend Dave’s email footer …
And Liquid Death’s email capture …
A bit of 404 sass from Magnt …
A snippet of Oatly’s “Cookie Policy” page …
And a confirmation page we worked up for our client Thermory. (Get after it, Wilbert!)
Humanity feels good, don’t it?
Now, you’ve got all the ammo you need to start wedging little smiles into all the places you think your reader would appreciate it. (Which is all the places.)
And if the Overlords of Mediocrity at your company give you any static, remind them that even the tiniest details contribute toward building a memorable brand.
Then, encourage them to get more cake in their diet.
Here’s a song to play you out >>>
See you next time. — Matt
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